The skit stars Azrael Abyss - The Prince of Sorrow (Chris Kattan) and Circy Nightshade (Molly Shannon) who are two teenagers who have a low budgeted cable access TV show called......GOTH TALK.

(Station Identification Bumper fades in)

Channel 33: Sunshine State Cable Access.

(The Theme Song swells dramatically.)

The bats have left the bell tower... [from Bauhaus' song Bela Lugosi's Dead]

SHANNON: Welcome to Goth Talk, I’m Circy Nightshade!

KATTAN: And I’m Azrael Abyss, the Prince of Sorrow.

SHANNON: Prepare yourself children of the night, tonight we are going to take you spiraling DOWN DOWN DOWN into the ecstasy of the unearthly!

KATTAN: The ecstasy of the unearthly! Weeeeee!

SHANNON: But we have to be quiet because Azrael’s brother Glenn came home wasted from a beach party, and he’s hiding out behind the couch until The Prince of Sorrow’s parents go to sleep.

BREUER: *singing* She’s got legs! And she knows how to use them...

KATTAN: Glenn, you’re ruining our dark spell!

BREUER: Shhh-za Yo! I was doin’ it that loud?? I’m sorry, listen, listen. I’ll be hiding under here, okay? Be cool.

KATTAN: Agghhhh! Anyway...

SHANNON: Let’s begin our decent into madness with a Goth Talk concert review! Azrael.

KATTAN: Last Saturday, I saw a new Goth band called "The Grim Reaper" And theirs is a morbid elegy to the horrible squallow of life... I think. Actually I missed most of the show when I accidentally dropped my retainer. I spent most of the time looking for it on the floor.

SHANNON: So, if you were at the show Saturday, and have found a most demonic retainer, please return it to the address below. *Address Flashes*

KATTAN: I had it wrapped in a napkin, if I don’t find it my dad’s going to kill me! Rrrraarrr! Our guest tonight is the goddess of the Goth seen in nearby Orlando. She hosts her own show, a cable access show, it’s called, "Black Magic Kingdom."

SHANNON: She’s a dark destroyer of men and empires... and we used to go to tennis camp together.

KATTAN: But her family moved away last summer. Rrrrrraaryyeee! Please welcome-

BOTH: Countess Cabuella!

KATTAN: Come on in... Come on in... Come on in... Come on in... Come on in...

SHANNON: It’s a dark, dark delight to see you again Cabuella! There’s been a void in my soul ever since your dad got transferred to that marketing job in the Hardrock Cafe.

GELLAR: Yes, Circy, parting is such a fiendish little slice of death! But Countess Cabuella was actually pretty phyched to get out of Tampa. Orlando is much more sinister.

SHANNON: Well, Tampa’s pretty sinister too! It’s at least as sinister as Clearwater, or Tarpon Springs!

KATTAN: Ooooohhhh! Yes! It’s very sinister! They just opened a water-slide park downtown, a very macabre water-slide park!

GELLAR: Don’t make me laugh! Ha. Orlando is much more sinister. Tampa’s Goth scene is lame. It’s pretty much just you two and that weird guy Azriel works with a Cinnabuns!

KATTAN: Gordy’s a creature of the night!

GELLAR: No, Gordy is a 32-year-old Eagle Scout that rides a Huffy!

KATTAN: Eeeeeeeyaaaaa!

SHANNON: Well, Cabuella, we can’t all live in Orlando and do dark things like work part-time at the Epcot Center!

GELLAR: I only do that to pay for the clothes, Stephanie!

KATTAN: Ooooo-Eeeee-Ooooo-Yeeeeaaa.

SHANNON: My name is not Stephanie! It’s Circy Nightshade, Denise! And anyway you can shove Orlando! I’m a hundred times more Goth than you are and I always have been!

GELLAR: Yeah, you were real Goth when you modeled pajamas for Pic-and-Save.

SHANNON: Oh, yeah, well you sure were the Dark Mistress of the Night when you... lip-synched to Ace of Base in our 8’th grade talent show!

KATTAN: So, Countess Cabuella, you’ve brought a clip of your show with you. Does it need a setup?

GELLAR: Sure, this is a clip of my show: "Black Magic Kingdom," a show about real Goth. Something Circy wouldn’t know anything about.

SHANNON: Well let’s see then...*Inserts Tape* Behold: The voluptuous horror of Cabuella.

~Tape: *Cabuella sings to "Ace of Base"* "All that she wants, is another baby. She’s gone tomorrow! All that she wants, is another baby. Yeah..."

SHANNON: Uhhhh, huh! Yeah, you were really Goth, Cabuella!

GELLAR: You #*$%&!! Where’d you get that?

SHANNON: You’re the #*$%&!!

GELLAR: You’re a #*$%&!!

SHANNON: You’re a #*$%&!!

KATTAN: All right, the evening has come to a close-

BREUER: Oh man! My car! I left my car...

KATTAN: Until next time...Stay out of the daylight!